Journey to being truly in love.. with yourself

If you read this I ask that you read with non-judgment. I share myself only to be a blessing to you. This is my life not a competition so if you feel that you can't read with non-judgment and love in your heart then move on this not is not for you. That being said let's continue our journey.

You may think you have gone through too much pain, too much hurt in your life to forget it all. To just let it all go, but you have to. These things turn into cancers and eat away at your soul, body, and mind. If you think that no one knows what you have been through, that you are alone, that you are separate because you have been through real pain and misery believe me when I say someone out there has been through the same if not worse than you. I have been through molestation, rape, homelessness, betrayal by family and friends, abandonment, I have been the cheater and the cheated on. I have even tried to take my own life on a few occasions in the past. Through all of that darkness, through all of that pain my light survived. Just as it survives in you now. It made me stronger and wiser. In all honesty playing the role of the victim had become comforting to me after all those years. I would curl up at night with my sorrow and be comforted until one night I couldn't sleep. I just kept thinking about all the people who did me wrong and then the funniest little thought flutter by in my head. I thought that these people I was obsessing over were probably sleeping peacefully in their beds. I was livid. How dare they sleep peacefully when I couldn't sleep. I just kept hearing this quiet voice push through my anger begging me to free myself. I knew no one else could do it for me. I had to stop with the blame game. I had to stand in front of that mirror and forgive myself and begin healing. The first time I told myself that I love myself I love you in the mirror I laughed because I felt ridiculous. I knew something else was at work when I couldn't look myself in the eye and say it. Did I really hate myself that much? When you are facing yourself in the mirror you can't run and you can't lie. So I took my time finding things I did like about my face and saying I love you and moving on to other individual parts until I found my eyes. Looking into my eyes I could feel something open inside me. In that moment I knew what love was. I knew the role of being half of a whole until I was married was a falsehood. I was a whole person on my own. I learned to be as gentle with me as I was with others. I found the peace within myself that I had searched outwardly for. I had to become mother, father, sibling, teacher and, lover on my own. To do that I had to love myself unconditionally